Those of us who have been in relationships, who hasn’t encountered a few douchebags? A few days ago, we collected 10 examples of gaslighting behavior from our readers about their experiences with such men.

Especially for those new to dating, it’s easy to be blinded by their sweet nothings. When you give your heart sincerely, only to be met with emotional hurt from an abusive partner using gaslighting tactics. Turns out, you were just one of many in his pond.

They’re like alcohol: enjoyable but not to be indulged. These men have the charisma to attract others, and their tactics often follow certain patterns. These men often have what you call narcissistic personality disorder.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that often occurs within abusive relationships, involving gaslighting behaviors that undermine mental health and make individuals question their own sanity. Gaslighting makes victims doubt their own perception, own memory, own reality, own judgment, and understanding of reality.

Gaslighting phrases are often used to subtly manipulate and control. It is a form of psychological abuse that operates subtly within romantic relationships, using lies to lead to self-doubt and diminished self-esteem. The most important is that we will learn signs to identify whether it is love bombing or genuine in a relationship.

So let’s take a look together!

10 Examples of Gaslighting Behavior

@XiaoYe

At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, he was kissing me, but the next morning when I groggily opened my eyes, I saw him switch to his alternate account. His blatant lies and deceit were part of his toxic behavior.

@AJu

He had a serious ‘virginity complex’ and was always criticizing my body, which eventually made me less confident and more likely to doubt myself.

In the latter half of our relationship, he had a new girlfriend but dragged his feet on breaking up with me, ignored my texts, and ghosted me, waiting for me to initiate the breakup.

@LiangNv

My first sexual experience was with a married man who deceived me into a relationship and forced himself on me without protection, leading to a yeast infection. Later, he wanted to keep me as a friend with benefits and harassed me when I refused, even secretly filming intimate videos to threaten me. I moved and blocked all his contacts, and after half a year, he tried to add me on another account to be friends. I had a friend pretend to be my boyfriend to finally settle it.

In the past two years, I nearly fell into depression, but fortunately, I kept helping myself. Now I’ve completely freed myself from being his puppet.

@fifi

PUA: He preemptively sets his boundaries, one of which is that distrust is a deal breaker. For instance, if he says he’s working late, I’m not supposed to doubt he’s seeing other girls. In reality, you must trust him unconditionally without question; any doubt is seen as a wrongdoing, regardless of the facts.

Cold violence: After getting together, I’m almost always the one initiating conversations. There’s no communication during work, and after work, it’s limited to a goodnight before sleep. He’s stingy with words, and many conversations end with his ‘haha.’

Love shouldn’t let you down; what lets you down isn’t love.

@ShuLan

I was cheated by my ex-boyfriend, who, upon being caught flirting online, preemptively accused me of not trusting him, saying he was just flirting without emotional involvement. During our breakup entanglement, he continued to be intimate with me while having an online relationship with someone else, even claiming I begged to sleep with him.

This type of man always strikes first, even if he’s in the wrong, and then he either gets angry or cries, saying, ‘I love you so much, how can you not trust me over a little thing like cheating?’

It’s absurd, but thankfully, I’ve moved on.

@AShui

My first love was so disgusting it makes me sick. He was my teacher, six years older than me. He flirted with me shortly after we met and confessed about a month later. Because I was lacking love and just a high school senior at the time, I didn’t understand much about love and agreed.

He often belittled me, saying things like, ‘You’re so pathetic,’ or ‘You don’t try hard enough in your studies.’ In fact, I would cry while doing homework until 2 or 3 in the morning. He also criticized my fashion sense. Before I turned 18, he constantly tested my boundaries, and after I turned 18, he coerced me with ‘love.’ I was naive and overly emotional, completely trusting him.

Later, even when he had a fiancée, he tried to get back with me, often telling me, ‘You love me, after all, I was your first man,’ which really disgusted me. He never gave me any gifts; one time, I gave him a gift worth five or six hundred, and he outright said it was cheap, which really hurt me. After breaking up, he continued to belittle me, saying I wouldn’t survive in this society.

@TaoZi

Don’t judge whether someone is a jerk based on their looks!

I used to think only handsome guys could be jerks, so I only dated average-looking guys. It turns out, being charming and flirtatious, they could even find many beautiful girls to date and thus became incredibly arrogant. I happened to be with them after they had played many other girls (they started dating in elementary school), so it was especially obvious. They would sincerely compliment their exes for being beautiful, while criticizing me for being ugly and poorly shaped. This has made me insecure to this day.

Later, I met a really nice guy, much more handsome than they were, and he respected women (my exes openly admitted their ex-girlfriends and friends with benefits were just their ‘toys’), a truly excellent man… But I no longer have the courage to date.

@MuMu

He was a colleague at my previous company, and by chance, we ended up renting an apartment together, then developed feelings over time, and eventually did everything a couple would do, but then, he said he didn’t want a relationship, even though it was he who first said he liked me, and we maintained an ambiguous relationship.

Later, he resigned and went back to his hometown. We still kept in touch occasionally, and he even borrowed money from me during that time. About a year later, he invited me to his city. Because I hadn’t dated before and really liked him, I went.

As a result, he took me to meet his friends for dinner and play, and then, his friend invited me for drinks. After a few drinks, I passed out and woke up in a hotel, undressed, with his friend on top of me. I struggled but couldn’t muster the strength. I cried and begged him to stop, but it was useless.

The next day I contacted him, and when I told him I got drunk and slept with his friend, he said, ‘I never said he was a good person,’ which completely chilled my heart. Then, feeling utterly disillusioned, I bought a train ticket home and never contacted him again.

By the way, he still owes me 20,000 that he borrowed and hasn’t paid back. His excuse is that he has too many credit cards to pay off and will definitely pay me back when he has the money. If he doesn’t pay back this year, I plan to sue.

Because of him and his friend, I now feel disgusted by their city.

Image source | Giphy

@YuanKanYiTiaoGou, JinKanChangMouMou

I met my ex at work, and he pursued me. We were together for a year and a half. During our relationship, he told me he hadn’t saved much money because of our dating, so I tried to go Dutch as much as possible.

Later, he told me his family wouldn’t accept someone without a formal job. I said I would try to pass the exams, but meanwhile, he was seeing three other women, watching the same movie three times, eating the same meal three times, and continuously going on blind dates. When I found out, I got together with the other two girls and dumped him.

The next day his stepmother called to berate me for clinging to her son, saying in their place, dating doesn’t count without meeting the parents, and accusing me of being scheming and jealous of her son’s good fortune. Afterwards, his family spread rumors about me, saying I had dated before and they didn’t want me.

Before we dated, we both knew about each other’s past relationships. It’s true that you see a person’s true character after breaking up. Even more incredibly, after we broke up, he came to me to borrow money. I gave him a few hundred, and his father, upon learning of it, accused me of slandering his son for borrowing money and threatened to call the police. His family seems to think that because their son has a formal job, ‘only the secretary’s daughter is worthy of my son.’ What a mess!

@KR

My ex-husband was already cheating on me when he was still my boyfriend, but I naively registered our marriage with him. We didn’t hold a wedding, didn’t announce it, not even a small private celebration. Less than a year later, I was hospitalized for an ectopic pregnancy. During the 10 days I was in the hospital, apart from the day he accompanied me to the hospital, he used work as an excuse and never appeared again.

One night during my recovery, I discovered that he had been talking to his mistress for over an hour every day while I was in the hospital, calling each other husband and wife, yet he hadn’t sent me a single message. This manipulation made me feel like I had no control over my own life and doubt my own memories.

I immediately packed up and moved to a dormitory the next day, starting our separation, and after several months, I successfully divorced him.

The Bottom Line

So what have we learned from these 10 examples of gaslighting behavior?

In personal relationships, it’s easy to feel guilty or feel insecure when dealing with manipulative people who constantly undermine your self worth. These individuals might make you feel isolated or cause you to question your own perceptions and own thoughts, often leading you to imagine things or believe you are being overly sensitive. Their toxic environment can lead to invalidating emotions, where you might find yourself shifting blame onto others or being made to outright deny your own feelings.

There are signs to identify narcissistic relationship, and spotting the red flags early on will save a lot of heartbreak and trauma.

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can be challenging, especially when someone makes just a joke of your concerns or tells you it’s a big deal for no reason.

It’s important to prioritize your well-being and seek support if needed. For more help, consider reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline to gain more control over your situation and find resources in your best interests.