There’s a documentary about senior sex called “Soulsex,” which starts in an unusual way: Two hands tightly holding each other, aged with liver spots. Then, the camera reveals a grandmother with white hair and a charming smile. “He’s my best friend,” she says, patting her partner’s thigh. A few minutes later, the two are intertwined.
It’s not a typical senior porn. These two adult film actors have a unique ambition: to show a more authentic, elderly sexuality.
Elderly viewers wrote to director Erika:
“Can you make more porn with elderly actors? The kind that’s more real, more intimate.”
John says, in our society, porn is a derogatory term. When you close your eyes, the first impression is of breasts, butts, and scam ads.
“This is obscenity, not porn.”
Our goal is: to show the world how a couple in their 70s interacts and makes love.
More specifically, at this age, with such physical conditions, it’s still possible to display great sexual power, sensuality, and beauty.
And, as people age, their bodies become more relaxed and more willing to try new things. One’s sex life can even improve with age.
The sexuality of the elderly truly exists and requires our attention. Sex and love in the twilight years should not be hidden away but rather openly acknowledged. Sex after 60 is a thing, and a fulfilling sex life in the later years remains important and offers several health benefits.
Today, let’s openly discuss:
Sex after 60 is more common than you think
Sex is not a privilege of the young. In fact, the elderly should, and do, remain sexually active.
Psychiatry professor Gurvinder Kalra and others found this in an interview study:
Elderly people are often mistakenly viewed as asexual. They shouldn’t have desires anymore, and sexual activity is supposed to have a certain expiration date (by old age, there’s neither interest nor capability).
But these ideas contradict real data. Peking University sociology professor Pan Suiming, in “Leaving Historical Evidence for ‘All-Sex’,” conducted extensive surveys with Chinese samples. He wrote:
“Among men and women aged 55 to 61, nearly half reported their sexual frequency declined to at most once a month. But let’s not overlook:
Even at 55 to 61 years old, there are still 8% of men and women who are sexually active and maintain sexual intercourse 3 times a week or more. Erectile dysfunction, low libido, and a decrease in sexual function seem to be somewhat of a myth, along with the fact that people simply just don’t have sex after 60.
Feminist independent porn director Erika Lust:” If we compare the elderly of different eras, we’ll find that compared to 15 years ago, the sexual activity of today’s elderly has increased by nearly half.”
There are also some things and perspectives you might not have thought of, such as:
Middle-aged and older adults are the age group with the longest average stay on the world’s largest porn site Pornhub. It’s clear that the belief that as you age, your sex drive and the need to remain sexually active decreases, is simply false.
Porn director Erika believes “orgasm is not the key, the deep connection between each other is.”
Having older people, who are both sexually and self-aware, appear on screen can actually help reduce body and age anxiety.
The sexual needs of most elderly people after 60 remain unmet
A media outlet once conducted a social survey titled “Do Your Parents Still Have a Sex Life?” Among the nearly 1000 responses received, 85% of young people believed their parents no longer had a sex life.
In the consciousness of young people, it seems that older adults lose not only their physical and mental vitality but also their right to enjoy a sex life or have any sexual desire whatsoever. Since they are no longer in the phase of bearing children, it’s assumed they no longer need a healthy sex life, or sex at all.
But this is not the case.
From a physiological perspective, a man’s testicles can produce some sperm until the age of 90, and sexual function does not disappear with age. Women’s sexual desire may relatively decline after menopause, but their sexual needs do not vanish.
You might think these seniors are just looking for a companion to spend their days with. However, they want to be sexually active and are actually waiting for a passionate love affair and a real sex life.
Facing the camera, Mr. Smith openly expresses his desire for sex.
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve done while dating?”
“Four times in one day. (Referring to now)”
“What’s the most romantic thing you’ve done?”
“It was at the movie theater, we, you know, did that.”
“Apart from sex, what’s the most romantic thing you’ve done?”
“Taking a bath, bathing together.”
Behind the robust sexual desire, the fact is that 62-year-old Mr. Smith’s wife passed away many years ago, and she was in poor health when she was young, leaving Mr. Smith in a “sexless marriage” for many years.
There may be many older adults like Mr. Smith, and the loves and hates of the seniors in the matchmaking corners continue to unfold. These facts show that the elderly’s desire for love and sex far exceeds our imagination, and their sexual needs are widespread, normal, and objectively exist.
On one hand, it’s due to the lack of cooperation from their spouses. As the elderly’s bodies age, their sexual capabilities decline.
Elderly women’s ovarian functions weaken, hormone secretion decreases, and sexual organs gradually atrophy, leading to weakened sexual responses, and in most cases, a low libido. Elderly women’s vaginal lubrication also decreases with the reduction of secretions, leading to vaginal dryness and causing discomfort or pain during penetrative sex, and sometimes, no sexual satisfaction. For elderly men, erectile dysfunction and prolonged sexual response periods may occur.
These factors can reduce the spouse’s willingness to engage in sexual intimacy to varying degrees, even if the spouse is willing but unable to cooperate.
Besides the physiological inability to cooperate, many elderly couples also cannot have a harmonious sex life due to emotional discord. Most elderly Chinese lived in an era when free love was not allowed, and marriages arranged after a brief meeting required decades of adjustment. In marriages where sex was devoid of love, the purpose of sex was solely for procreation. After completing the task of childbearing, many naturally refrained from having an active sex life.
The path to sexual activity for the elderly can also be more prone to risks.
Due to the lack of cooperation from their spouses and the difficulty in discussing sex in a society where it’s a taboo topic, older adults might resort to inappropriate venues or prostitution. These improper channels for sex not only violate the law but also may increase their risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.
Data from the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention show that in recent years, there has been a significant increase in reported cases of HIV infection among the elderly population in China, with elderly clients of prostitutes becoming a key focus of research.
To compensate for the difficulties that insufficient sexual capabilities bring to their sex lives, the elderly may also choose to use sexual enhancement drugs as an aid to assist with and prevent erectile dysfunction, along with hormone replacement therapy. These drugs are mostly made from sex hormones or vasodilators, and long-term use can lead to certain dependencies and often don’t offer many health benefits. Elderly individuals taking these drugs are more prone to vasodilation and lower blood pressure, which in severe cases can even be life-threatening.
Bottom line
Have you ever talked with your parents about each other’s sex lives? Or, to put it another way, would you like to have such a discussion about sex between two generations?
